December 9, 2010

Who Are You - Part 3

Here are some the idiots, scumbags and losers that we all run into every time out

The Low Holer- They seek out pools and holes. They silently sneak up and before you know it, you hear a float hit the water. They often try to act clueless thinking that you only need 20' of water to work with. The best way to get back at a low holer, is low hole him. You should see the look on their faces. 

The Bum - Found around some the most popular spots often looking for handouts such as hens for eggs, sacs, hooks, smokes or a fish to feed their family of eight. Prefer easy access points so they can quickly toss a fish into the trunk of their beater. They'll often use one of their kids to get fish because nobody can be an asshole to a five year old.

The Know-It-All - Loves to point how much they know about steelheading, but most of the time they catch one or two fish or nothing at all. Beside fishing, they also think they're experts at politics, sports and world events. They'll criticize others and point out the mistakes they're making. On fishing forums, they're the self appointed experts.

The Pool Hog - Loves to pull off drifts that can cover an entire zip code. Most the time they can't see the float and only when an angler screaming at them will get their attention. Some will work in teams to cover more water. They expect others to wait for them to finish their drifts. There have been times instead of cutting their line, I would rather cut their balls off.

The Motor Mouth - If the planet had a energy crisis, their mouth would save the world. You name it, they'll yack about it for hours. Some people believe they do it, so they can get rid of people from certain spots. Topics to force people away include - Dennis Kucinich, any of Cleveland's sports teams, their nagging wife, or their latest bout with hemorrhoids.

The Slob - Easy to spot on the rivers as they leave a trail of garbage - twinkie wrappers, cans of beer, the entrails of a fish, and 50 yds of line. So lazy they'll take a dump on somebody's lawn (no lie, it happened) or piss on somebody's car. So fat and out of shape they can't wander more than 50' from the parking lot.

The Tough Guy - Usually have poor social skills and are socially inept. Most of the time, they are little mouthy runts. They freak out if anybody comes 50' near them and threaten bodily harm. But when push comes to shove, they quickly back pedal and try to make amends. After fishing they go home and cry on the fishing forums about some asshole that tried to take his spot.

The Vulture - Like the scavenger they scan the rivers for action and if they see somebody hammering fish, they swoop in for scraps. Most time, they'll linger waiting for the opportunity to quickly get into the hot spot. But when they see the person coming back for their spot, they quickly take flight or wait until the last second before being chased away. 

The Cheapskate - So cheap, they walk into a run full of fish to retrieve a fly, even though they have 4 dozen on them. The same goes for retrieving floats and shiners, as they'll chase it downstream and even risk drowning, because they dropped $2.50 for a float or spend $2.00 for a couple dozen shiners. They prefer to drive with others to save money on gas and deliberately forget to bring their wallets. If they buy lunch, you'll be lucky to get a Slim Jim or something from the McDonald's dollar menu.

The Grouch - A miserable, crotchy anti-social asshole that can't stand people. Their usually easy to spot as they often scowl and mutter curse words when you greet them. They hope that their awful demeanor will discourage you from fishing next them, but in most cases it backfires. They hate giving out information and usually ignore your requests. They often wished that they could pack heat.

4 comments:

Trotsky said...

I think I might be leaning towards the 'Grouch'....?
Very funny read.
Good luck out there.

Chris Thompson said...

At one point or another in my life, I think I've played each of these characters...except for the bum.

gribble said...

Hmm hard to nail down one of those for me! I’m the one you never see on the rivers due to the fact I don’t fish around people often! I work way to hard to have my fishing interrupted by most the moronic personalities you have listed above!

steelhead08 said...

I'm afraid I my suffer the "Know it All" syndrome with a minor in Motormouthitis....I feel so much better now; the weight of the world is finally off my massive shoulders...LMAO!